Almost Lover
by Bunnylass
Summary: Oneshot. I won't give him or the Fates the satisfaction to know they've finally broken Suze Simon. The stubborn and defiant mediator. After everything I've been through; I've finally laid down my spear and given up. All because of him! Because of Jesse...


_**Disclaimer: **_The Mediator belongs to Meg Cabot. And the song belongs to _A Fine Frenzy._

_**Rating: **_T

_**Summary**: _Oneshot. Suze POV. I wouldn't give him or the Fates the satisfaction to know, they've finally broken Suze Simon. The stubborn and defiant mediator. That after everything, all that I've been through with the gift that's a Goddamn curse; I've finally laid down my spear and given up. All because of Jesse...

_**A/N: **_I've had this story in my documents for ages. So I thought I'd go through it and post it. I hope you like it, I definitely do. :) Reviews would be great. *Hugs and love*

* * *

_**Almost Lover**_

_Your fingertips across my skin, the palm trees swaying in the wind; images. You sang me Spanish lullabies, the sweetest sadness in your eyes; clever trick. I never want to see you unhappy, I thought you'd want the same for me . . ._

_

* * *

_

_Is this how it ends for me__?_

I clung onto the lapels of Jesse's jacket a little harder; tears stinging the backs of my eyes from the press of his lips against mine. But they weren't warm. They were ice cold. Or was that just me? I thought. After-all, Jesse's alive. And he has been for nearly a year now. He has a breath I can feel tickling across my skin. I can taste him on my lips, take in his scent. He's solid beneath my palms, because he really is there standing in my hands. So why, is he so cold? I don't understand it and I vaguely wonder if I'm trying to think of something other than what's going to come when he takes his hands away from cupping my cheek and my eyes open to the truth making me shiver so violently.

I squeezed my eyes shut tighter when he finally cut off our physical connection, the nickname he's called me from the beginning, softly dropped on the air I was trying to take in as quickly as possible. I refused to open my eyes to see him. I couldn't bear the thought of seeing the affection in his eyes that always lingers there when he says it. Or would it be there? Am I just hoping beyond all reasonable doubt, that I will see what's been dwindling for months now? I asked myself. Whatever it was, I couldn't open my eyes. His hands dropped from my face and landed on my hands bunched on his coat. Not applying the pressure to pry them off.

And my pride kicked in then.

Why should I give him the satisfaction of having to forcibly remove me from his life? To hear him say my name in that way that is filled with apology and a hint of frustration, spurring me into action? I didn't want to! And my hands sprung open without his need and dropped away from him completely, my head bowed and my eyes still tightly closed. He took a step back then. One step away from me that makes a rush of cool air invade the space he should have been standing in. Now and forever. That's what I was told. A love to last for all of time, that psychic said. Someone who would make me happy and love me unconditionally.

If I'd have known what she'd really seen in those cards was me standing in the dark by Jesse's gravestone, the moon and stars hidden from us, while I let the man that was supposed to give me _everything_, share with me one last kiss and walk away; then I wouldn't have fallen in love with Jesse. I would have kicked him out of my room. I would have left him in the shadowland. I wouldn't have gone back to the past and unintentionally saved his life. I wouldn't have left myself open to such a blow.

But in the end, that was all a crock. Because I could never have gone back on not giving Jesse the chance of a life. Whether he loved me or not; it's what he deserved to have. It's what he wanted. How could I ever deny someone I would sell my soul for, a gift like that? I couldn't. I wouldn't really love him if I did. I might have let the idea of stopping Paul from going back to the past, enter my mind. But in all truth, I knew I would never stop him long before I realized it there in the hayloft. Because I love Jesse with all my heart and soul. It's more than a first love. To me, it's always been more.

And I thought it had to Jesse too.

How _wrong_ could I have been?

I shook my head when he made to try and say something. I wanted to block him out. I want to scream and shout at him not to do what he's going to do. But in the end, I didn't. Because it's what he wants. It's what will make him happy. I can't stand in the way of that. It doesn't matter the damn saying I quoted to Father D in the hospital while we stood at Jesse's comatose body, was running through my mind._ 'If you love something, set it free. If it's meant to be, it'll come back to you._' Well that opportunity had come and gone. I don't get third chances. I've had my first two, a feat for me. I knew this is it, even as his words come through the haze I was trying so hard to let swallow me whole.

"I'm sorry, Susannah."

So am I, almost slips off my tongue. I don't want to know he's out there in the world, living the life he _should_ have lived a long time ago. I don't want to know he's the happiest he's ever been, with a new love, maybe even his true one. I can't bear the thought of opening my eyes and watching him walk away. How could I ever? I'm not the girl he first met nearly two years ago. I've changed. _Jesse _changed me. And now he has, his work is done and I'm left to deal with the consequences of falling in love with a ghost.

I felt the shift in space telling me he'd raised his hand. But it never made contact with my cheek like I could imagine it doing. It didn't stroke my hair or lift my chin. It just fell away like a phantom notion. And the sting of tears battled harder to fall when I heard the sounds of his footsteps walking away from me at last. He'd prolonged the agony out for long enough. He was done. With me. His past. _Us_. And all I could do was raise my head and open my tear filled eyes as I watched his broad back retreating away from me. His hands stuffed into his jean pockets casually like he hadn't just broke my heart and carelessly watched it fall to the earth in pieces.

And not one of my tears fell seeing him walk away the way he did.

He'd been . . . _strange_. Odd. Acting weird and distant for a while now. But I never put it down to anything other than him trying to adjust to his life. What was there for me to worry about? Nothing. I thought he loved me. And I was right, he does. But, not enough it seems. That horrible gut-wrenching fear that he only fell in love with me because I was the first girl, in over a century and a half, that could see him, speak, _touch_ him, came rushing at me. Because he didn't have a taste of the other side. Didn't see the greener grass. Why should he have done? Neither of us knew he'd be alive by the end of it.

As it was, he only stayed with me for as long as he did after, because of his own reasons. What was I to him? Some girl who gave him everything he ever wanted. So he gave me a few more months of enjoying a taste of a real life. He let me fall deeper and deeper in love with him, because he was too cowardly to admit, he wanted more. He wanted to sample the delicacies of life, free. As free as the wind, like he's always been. And it hurts even more, because that's the reason I let him walk away without putting up a fight.

But . . . how could he look so . . . _casual_ about it? Didn't I show enough emotion at his goodbye? Did I make him think I was okay by not stopping him? Didn't he know I _couldn't_? Was I the only one who felt a heart-break in that kiss?! I wanted to shout that to him as he walked even further away. But he'd already disappeared into the shadows leaving me alone in a crowded graveyard standing by his headstone I don't need to look at to know what it says or looks like.

How ironic he would kill me, standing by his empty grave.

I clenched my jaw against the tears desperate to cut away from my emotions and let the first signs of failure show. But I didn't. I couldn't. I wouldn't give _him_ or the Fates the satisfaction to know, they've finally broken Suze Simon. The stubborn, defiant mediator. That after _everything_, all that I've been through with the gift that's a Goddamn _curse_; I've finally laid down my spear and given up. Because I have. But not in the way they think. They won't see me cry. Jesse won't get the opportunity to watch me wither, crumble and slowly destroy what's left of the mess he's left me in.

Staring up at the dark clouded sky, I breathed in heavily, the rising emotion coiling in my gut, rising and rising until I couldn't bear to have it sitting in me any-more.

"You can take your precious _gift_ and _screw_ it!" I screamed to the Heavens, my hands balled at my sides, my arms strained while I screamed and poured every ounce of pain and sickening sensation into those howls. My throat was raw and my voice was breaking and cutting out, but I still went on. I didn't want denial and I didn't want the numbing cold. I just wanted it forgotten. It's happened; I can't do anything to change any of it. Except _one_ thing. "Do you hear me?! I. Don't. Want. It. Any. _MORE_! Take it back! Take it all _**back**_! _I don't want it_!"

I slouched forward on the last word, breathing heavily. When I glanced up again, seeing the sky still dark and cloudy, the promise of rain hinting on the air, I felt empty. I swallowed down the raw edge to my throat, lifting a hand to soothe it. Hollow, a burnt out husk was exactly how my body felt. Exhausted and tired. But, there was something else. Something that gave me the strength to take in the deep breaths of air from the sky opening and the rain starting. Clearing the heavy, humid eerie feeling that had been lingering. Something that made my feet move, turning away from Jesse's gravestone and leave in the other direction Jesse had gone.

And I didn't look back.

Jesse hadn't. Why should I?

* * *

_Goodbye, my almost lover, goodbye my hopeless dream. I'm trying not to think about you, can't you just let me be? So long, my luckless romance; my back is turned on you. I should've known you'd bring me heartache; almost lovers always do . . ._

_

* * *

_

The call over the intercom came during Chemistry. I ignored the looks thrown around me when my name resounded around the classroom and ignored the whispers while I dragged myself to my feet, dropping my pen to my book and slamming it closed. I pushed the heavy textbook inside my bag and dragged it off the workbench to hang over my shoulder. Cee-Cee whispered something to me as I headed towards the door, but I didn't pay any attention to her. I was working myself up to the meeting I was soon to get pushed into on my way to Father D's office. The same place I'd been avoiding for the past couple of weeks in the hopes that he'll forget I exist too.

The walk down the breezeway was quiet. _Too_ quiet. I almost expected to get stopped by a ghost, but shrugged the thought off and ignored the silence. Even the birds seemed to have shut up. Nothing could escape the haunting of Heather still hanging around by the lockers though. Long exorcised, I swear I can still feel her. Uncomfortable, I pulled down on my bag and made my way to the desk outside Father D's office, finding the post empty. And the feeling that I was about to walk into something I _knew_ was going to hit home even more painfully. But I didn't bow to it. I just strolled up to the door, knocked and pushed my way in.

Just to have Jesse turn around in one of the spare seats in front of Father D's desk and lock eyes with me.

Before either of them realized I would, I clutched the handle of the door harder and pulled myself out of the room, fully intending to close the door on them and walk away. Out of school, out of town? I didn't care. I just didn't want to have to face him again after weeks of not seeing him. There I was, holding out on the hope he might have disappeared for good. That he would have left town. It was part of what was keeping me going. What got me up in the morning and made me go through the day as if nothing had happened. Except for today. When I already seemed to know it was all going to go down-hill as soon as I woke up.

"_Querida_, stop!" Jesse called out, just as I felt the door click closed. I tried to calmly walk back across to the breezeway, but I really wanted to run. Even more when I heard the door open behind me with Jesse coming up to me. Much to his mistake, he grabbed my arm and tried to pull me around. But my instinct took over then and the anger with him I'd been bottling rose up and lashed out at him. Smacking his hand away from my arm. He raised his hands up in surrender. "Don't go, we need to talk."

I could feel the fury bubbling beneath the surface, so I took my eyes away from him and fixed them on Father D. Silently begging him to keep me calm.

"Susannah please come into my office," Father Dom said, gesturing behind me. "Jesse's right, we need to talk. This is important, please," I told myself it was the sympathy in his eyes that had me brushing past Jesse and into the room. But I bristled at the thought of Father D using that ploy so I would do what he wanted me to do. When Jesse stepped into the room he didn't sit beside me. He stood by the window and watched us both. I didn't look at him. I did everything in my power to pretend he wasn't there right then. I would have given anything not to have had him been. So I threw my hard stare on Father D instead.

"You're pulling me out of class, for an _intervention_?" I asked, breaking the tense silence and throwing them off their game. "How _quaint_ and nice of you. Just tell me what you want so I can leave. If you hadn't noticed, I don't exactly want to be here," Against my better judgment, I threw a glare at Jesse. "I have better things to do with my life." I turned away again.

"Susannah, there's no need to be rude," Father D chastised, his cigarettes already out on the desk in front of him. New record for me, I manage to get them out before I'm even in the room. This must be good, I quipped to myself. "What we have to talk about is important. And I think you know what it is." He continued. I sat back in my chair and crossed my legs and my arms. My jaw was clenched so tightly, it's a wonder they couldn't hear me grinding my teeth together.

I simply cocked an eyebrow. "I have no idea what you're getting at Father D. _Enlighten_ me." I shrugged.

He took a deep breath to control his frustration and patience with me, sitting forward so his hands were resting across the desk. He side-glanced at Jesse before turning back. If he thought I was going to be civil, then he got a shock. A big one. "Susannah, I'm talking about what you've been doing. Or rather, lack-there-of. I understand that you're going through a difficult time – " I snorted at that. " – and that your school-work is adding pressure to you. But to completely deny your gift and turn away every spirit that comes to you for help . . . it's not fair, Susannah. I expected more from you. The spirits looking for your help do. And I'm at a loss as to understand _why _you have suddenly turned away from your gift."

Lifting my leg off my knee, I dropped it to the floor with a thump and uncrossed my arms. "_Gift_. You _still_ really think this is a _gift_ do you, Father Dominic? Well I've got news for you; there's _no_ such thing. And you've got blinkers on if you think it is. Where, in the whole time I've known I can see the dead, has there ever been a part where it hasn't caused me trouble or got me hurt? Because I've thought about it a whole lot recently and I can't think of a time. So I'm going to be selfish, because I think you're right; it _is_ unfair. But _not_ to them. If you want to carry on helping lost souls, fine. Go ahead. But _I_ quit."

"Susannah, you can't do that." Jesse spoke up tiredly. And I lost my cool.

Standing up from my chair, I turned in his direction. "Why are you even _here_?! You've got what you want! You got your _life_ back. What do you care whether _I_ carry on or not? You can go on as if you don't know anything. You can have the life you've always _wanted_. I don't want and I don't _need_ you here sticking your nose in to my business," I fumed, my breathing going up a notch, the anger spiralling to the surface. I spun to face Father D's shocked expression. "I don't want it anymore. I've had _enough_ of trying to help others. I've had _enough_, of getting hurt and putting my life on _hold_ for some ungrateful ghost. I'm _tired_, of having Fate kick me in the teeth. I didn't choose this and I don't want it. Get someone else to do Fate's dirty work, I'm_ through_," I picked up my bag and stepped around to the door.

I paused before I went out the door, glaring at Jesse. "The sooner you get out of what's left of my life, the better." I said dropping it at his feet and slamming the door closed behind me. On Jesse. Father D. And the _curse_, I was born with.

* * *

_We walked along a crowded street, you took my hand and danced with me; images. And when you left, you kissed my lips, you told me you would never, never forget these images. No; well, I'd never want to see you unhappy. I thought you'd want the same for me..._

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* * *

_

I made it to courtyard, where I hid behind a tree before the tears finally broke through the steeled barrier I'd put up around them.

My bag dropped to the grass at my feet, my back hitting the rough bark of the tree. And my hands . . . my hands wouldn't stop _shaking_. I tried to wipe the tears away. But the more I swiped at my cheeks the quicker they came. And I felt helpless trying to stop them. I wasn't even sure I wanted to! I cursed myself out; I tried bringing the anger up. But nothing was working. _Nothing_ was stopping it. My chest felt like someone was sitting on it and stealing my breath. Squeezing the life out of me slowly. Torturing me. It hurt, _so_ bad. But I couldn't stop it. I couldn't tune it out.

I was crying so hard, I didn't know someone was coming up to me. Not until they placed a warm hand to my shoulder making me jump.

I leapt out of the persons grip, covering my face with my hands and trying to hide it all away from them. I thought I knew who it was. I thought I could just tell him to get lost and leave me to die alone. But when the person effortlessly turned me around and pulled my hands down from my face, I wasn't expecting to see the blurry disjointed image of Paul Slater through the layer of moisture. "_Suze_ . . ." He murmured in shock, his eyes darting all over my face and taking in my train-wreck image. And that was all I needed and more broke through. One of his hands quickly wrapped around my waist, the other cradling my head as he pulled me to him.

"It . . ." I hiccupped, holding on to him for grim death. "It hurts, Paul. It _hurts_ so badly," I keened, soaking his shirt right through. I could feel his warm body pressed up against mine. The way his hand soothed down my hair where he whispered into my ear comforting words that made me cry harder. I felt his lips press to my ear before allowing him to guide me down to the grass when my legs couldn't take my weight any more. "Make it _stop_," I whispered into his chest desperately. "_Please_ . . . Paul."

"God, Suze, I wish I knew how. No don't!" He urged when I tried to pull away. His arms tightened and his body rocked me backwards and forwards where I was sitting on his lap. "I've got you, I promise. I've got you, Suze." He murmured into my ear, riding out the waves of emotions with me. But it wasn't Paul I wanted to have saying that to me. I wanted it to be _Jesse_. To have _him_ be the one telling me it's all going to be alright. That I'm okay, I'll make it through this. It's always only going to be _Jesse_ that will be the one I want to hold me when I give up. When I can't go on. To be in his arms when it feels like the worlds coming to an end. And I _hate_ him even more for that.

After however long it was, the tears finally started to stop and my broken sentences seized. Paul had given up trying to calm me with words and just let his hand stroke my hair.

When I pulled away from him, his hands still held me tight. I looked up into his clear blue eyes. A contrast between Jesse's. Paul's are bright, crystal like, even. And they pulled me in. His hands on my waist, casually tracing circles along my sides made me relax in his lap. My hands traced up his chest and to his shoulder. Splaying across the muscles there. Not like Jesse's, but strong enough. I licked my lips and stared deep into his gaze. Looking, _needing_ to find something. Of its own free-will, my free hand went to his face, along his jaw. Both drawn in, I moved towards him, my lips lightly brushing his. Testing, tempting and begging.

The control was taken out of my hands then. Paul's hand weaved under and into my hair, pulling me closer and angling my head so he could deepen the kiss. His tongue stroked across my lips, asking to play and I let him in. I pressed myself to him, fusing out mouths, bodies, closer and closer. I wanted his hands roaming over my back and slipping beneath my shirt to trace my skin. To drag out some kind of emotion, sensation other than the hurt. I moaned into his mouth, asking for more. My hands running through his hair and down his neck.

But he didn't give it to me. He didn't give me what I wanted. Pulling away, he leaned his forehead to mine, both our breathing laboured and shaken.

Sighing heavily Paul whispered to me the words I didn't want to hear. "I'm not him, Suze. I won't ever be, Jesse."

My hands gripped his shoulders, my nails digging in. Keeping my eyes closed, I bit down on my lower lip and nodded against him. _I know_. "I know," I thought and murmured. But_ God_ I wanted him to be. I thought about how easily I could imagine him to be Jesse. I could picture there being a scar through his eyebrow. I could pretend I hear him whisper Spanish to me as he holds me at night, lying in his arms. I could _make_ myself love Paul; all the while knowing he wouldn't ever be Jesse. He will _never_ be, Jesse. Just like Paul said. Shattering the illusion and making the tears come again. "I'm sorry . . ." I whispered, opening my eyes to stare into his.

"I don't want you to be sorry, either," He replied. I could hear the hint of anger in his voice and I knew without asking it wasn't directed at me. "Come on," He smiled, helping me up off his lap to stand on shaking legs. When he was up and standing in front of me, watching the way I was trying to pat my hair down and wipe the tears from my eyes he reached out and pulled me into him again. His heavy sigh ruffled my hair. "There was a time I wouldn't have turned you away, Suze. I probably would have even settled for you trying to tell yourself I was Jesse. But that's not me. I can't do that to you _or_ me."

"I never thought I'd hear you of all people say that," I laughed shakily, feeling his head drop to my shoulder. When he didn't say anything, I closed my eyes and relaxed into the hug.

"You need to get out of here," He said eventually, kissing me on the forehead as he pulled away. Before he bent down and picked up my bag for me. "Come on, I'll take you home." Wrapping an arm around my shoulders, Paul led me across the courtyard. But before we left it completely, I glanced back over my shoulder and saw Jesse. Standing where he would have had the perfect view of us the whole time. Pushing aside the guilt, I turned away and let Paul lead me away.

_Let him_ watch me go, I thought.

* * *

_I cannot go to the ocean, I cannot drive the streets at night. I cannot wake up in the morning, without you on my mind. So you're gone and I'm haunted and I bet you are just fine. Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out, of my life?_

_

* * *

_

It was days later, when I found myself sitting on the beach on the same spot of sand I'd come with Father D and Jesse to speak to the RLS Angels, when he came to me.

Father Dom didn't get in contact with me again after I left his office. He didn't call me out on the morning announcements. He didn't pull me aside in the halls. And he didn't call my house phone getting a novice to ask for me. What I'd say to him had hurt him and I knew it. But I wasn't going back there. I meant it. I didn't want anything to do with being a mediator. And I didn't want to cause Father Dom any more grief and sadness than I already had. I just kept my head down, stayed quiet and got on with it. With the exception of Paul being there for me every step of the way. Something a lot of people where talking about.

Mom constantly asked me when I was going to be bringing Jesse over for dinner next. Until I finally quietly told her; never. That we'd split up and wouldn't be getting back together. She looked genuinely sad for me. But in true Mom fashion, she started on about all the '_nice boys_' I'll be meeting at College. That maybe it was for the best that we go our separate ways now, then later. And the crunch being - '_Well he was a bit old for you, Susie_.' I walked away from her before I lashed out at her like I did Father D after that. Before I could say something that I would be feeling guilty for later on.

And my friends . . . they couldn't understand me. They knew something was wrong, but no amount of budging was getting me to say what. The only one I turned to was Paul.

But each day that passed and I tried to imagine not seeing, Jesse, it just got worse. I'd gone through a year of having him save my life, be there for me, fall in love with to suddenly nothing. He was my constant, even if I didn't see him for a few days. I nearly died, _twice_, for him. I believed with every fibre of my being, that we would be together forever. We talked about the future. We spent hours, planning and working around what we both wanted. And the thing that hurt the most was that through that whole time, he _knew_ he would be leaving me. He let me to have hope and he took it away. He even made _mediating_ bearable. Ghosts didn't seem like such a challenge when I had someone to share the burden with. But now, when I get them come to my room or tap me while I'm sitting in class . . . I just want to _punch_ them. To unleash all the hurt and anger on them.

To blame it _all_ on them!

But the truth was I didn't even know _who_ to really place it on. Jesse? For making me fall in love with him just to have it be a waste all along. Me, for being stupid enough to fall in love with him in the first place and not be stronger. Fate? For throwing us together just to rip us apart? Or Father D? Because he didn't warn me in time. Didn't tell me how much it hurts to fall in love with a spirit just to get hurt in the end. But the more I tried to work it out, the more I couldn't find a culprit. We're all to blame.

I dropped my head into my hands and gripped my hair. Silent tears falling down my face when I thought about the one person who has yet to put their point of view in. My Dad.

I miss him. When he came to say good-bye at the Winter Formal, I was happy for him. He was finally moving on, just like I always wanted him to. And it was because of Jesse. Because Jesse made me so happy, so delirious, there was nothing tying him to earth anymore. And he let go; trusting Jesse to be the one to take care of me from now on. To keep me happy for the rest of my life. What's he thinking now? Can he feel how hurt I am? That I give-up. Squeezing my eyes shut I tried not to think about it. How I took my Dad for granted. Calling on him when I need him. But never really needing him as much as I do now. To have my _Dad_ come to me, instead of _Jesse_.

He stood behind me, looking out at the waves crashing on the shore. A silent, comforting presence. I raised my head and stared out at the dark night. The moon AWOL again. I didn't bother to try and stop the tears anymore. I just let them make small dark dots in the sand. I didn't even move when I felt him take a step forward, but not touch me.

"I came to say good-bye, Susannah," He quietly murmured, his thick deep voice gliding over my nerves and soothing my raw emotions.

I should've known he wouldn't have left without saying good-bye properly. Without trying to make me feel better one _last_ time. "I thought you already did that when you told me you don't want to be with me. That you don't love me . . . the way I love you." I answered, not turning back to look at him. But my tone was deadly calm. Still and hollow. I looked down at the bracelet hanging around my wrist I never thought to take off. I thought it'd always be a constant fixture in my life. A bit like the man that gave it to me.

"I'm leaving Carmel. Tonight. But I didn't want to go without . . . without seeing you first."

I was carefully unclasping the bracelet as he spoke, not really listening to what he had to say. "Can I ask you a question?" I absently said, my fingers fumbling in slow motion. Numb, I couldn't focus on what I was doing. "Why have you stuck around as long as you have? Why did you spend all those months with me just to . . . walk away? Why? I just need to understand that, Jesse." I finally got the bracelet undone and let it dangle between my fingers.

He sighed and I felt it blow over my hair, surprised by how close he was really standing. "I stayed because I owed it to you, _querida_. For everything you did for me, I owed that to you." Jesse answered truthfully. And it hit me with the force of a _pick_. He didn't stay because he loved me. Not because he was scared of being alone. But because he _owed_ it to me. A _favor_. I felt him reach out and touch my hair. Picking some up in his calloused hand, just to let it sift through his fingers, not bothering to reach out for anymore.

"You didn't owe me anything, Jesse," I whispered, standing up from the log and turning to look at him. I know he heard me, I could see it in his face. "You _never_ owed me anything. Everything I did, I did because I _love_ you. So you wasted your time sticking around me," I took a step back and away from him. My voice just as emotionless as my expression. Icy even. But I didn't care. Not any-more. "Can you do something for me? Can you promise me something before I let you go forever?" I asked, looking up into his dark shadowed eyes. How could I have ever thought I could imagine them on Paul?

"Anything, _querida_," He drawled, furrowing his brows, his scar turning white.

"Promise me I'll never see you again." I simply said. It seemed forever before I saw him give me a jerky nod. His dark eyes glistening with the way only tears can. Before I could take my words back and let my own tears fall, I turned my back on him again and walked down to the edge of the water. Stopping when the ice-cold ocean came up to my calves. Stretching out my hand, I let the bracelet he'd wrapped around my hand and promised me forever, dangle from my fingers. Seconds later it'd dropped from my hand and silently slipped into the water disappearing from me. Just like Jesse.

When I walked back up to the beach and the log waiting for me . . . he was gone. And I was left with nothing but his words he'd whispered to me as I walked down to the water.

'_I'll always remember_ . . .'

* * *

_Goodbye, my almost lover; goodbye, my hopeless dream. I'm trying not to think about you, can't you just let me be? So long, my luckless romance, my back is turned on you. Should have known you'd bring me heartache; almost lovers always do..._

_

* * *

_


End file.
